Patience for a Lonely Soul

"You should be getting over this by now, it's been two months. "
Almost.
And I am.
It's not like someone died.
Only a breakup.
But. We were together two years, I think I'm allowed to take more than two months to recover.
But I'm not getting over the loneliness.
My sister is almost married and gone.
My boyfriend is no longer mine.
My few friends are moving away and I have no car to visit them with.
I am indescribably lonely.
Left behind by life.
They are moving on, moving forward.
I am stuck in this post-boyfriend, pre-sister's-wedding, pre-job, post-piano rut. Sunk deep into it.
And all I can do is pray.
And wait for God's timing.
And I will have that be enough.
"Patience, my love,
there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
My plan for you
is so much better than you can ever envision.
You just need to learn patience. "

A Week

Sunday

Church

Monday

Get up at 5:45 a.m.

Work 

Supper

Practice piano

Sleep

Tuesday

Work again

Teach

Practice piano in the evening again

Wednesday

Practice piano

Music lesson

Women's Bible study

Thursday

Practice piano

Get distracted

Teach

Friday

Work

See Brandon

Saturday

Spend the day with Brandon

Sunday

Begin again

Decisions

There's this decision I need to make.

A life altering one.

I never thought about it this seriously before.

Maybe partially because I was in the middle of the piano year. 

And I don't quit in the middle of something.

But now I have only a couple more lessons left.

And I feel like maybe God is telling me to stop piano.

I can never consentrate on it. 

And I never have any money.

Because I spend almost $4,000 a year of my very meager income on piano lessons.

I feel like I could be spending my money on better things, 

And saving it for my future.

And I never have any time.

I can't seem to stay on top of anything. 

Get done what needs doing.

So maybe this is God telling me

"Lauren, enough is enough. 

I want you to take a different path than the one you've been following."

We had a Bible study lesson this year, 

And one of the things that really stood out to me was this:

"you have time for everything on God's to-do list"

Maybe the reason I never have time 

Is because this is no longer on God's to-do list for me.

Improvement

Sometimes I wonder if I have depression. And yes, I definitely get depressed. But God always carries me through. I feel like things are improving. Although last time I thought that my day turned out horribly. But I'm making more of an effort, even though it's setting me back in my studies. Now I need to work on at least acting happy. Because lately I'm always grumpy. I think it may have to do with stress. A lot is piling up right now. But I am doing my very best to trust God. He knows best.

Sin and misery

My Cozy Bed

Is there anything nicer late at night than new pajamas, fresh flannel sheets and a soft pillow?

Nerves

Nerves. 

Shaking knees shaking hands ruining my song shaking the pedal losing control blurring my notes nearing on panic

done.

Made it through.

It's over. Played through my mistakes.

Done

Bad Piano Teachers

I would like to take a moment to comment on the deplorable lack of good piano teachers. I was just watching my brother perform in a music festival competition. He is in grade 6 piano, playing against other grade 6 pianists, and the amount of kids who didn't even know something as basic as how to sit properly at the piano was abominable, and just a foretaste of badly played music. At this stage in piano I expected the playing to be much better than the music that was put forward. I do not blame the students. It takes a gifted and especially determined student to rise above the mistakes of a bad teacher. I do not say I am a good teacher, I have only been teaching for a year. I just think it is depressing how many people who play piano, or any instrument, think that just because they can play they can teach, and it is to the students's detriment that teachers seem to think that just teaching a student how to read music can actually be classified as teaching an instrument. Dear music teachers, please learn how to teach properly.

Dutch Blitz

Dutch Blitz with a bunch of tweens.

Loud.

Loud.

Loud.

But fun.

Hogan's Heroes

A laugh with lunch every day. :)